i finally watched perks of being a wallflower today
it was the first movie that I can honestly say brought me to tears. I think sometimes in high school we all have those stages where we feel insignificant and low. We are willing to do anything and everything to feel special for a flashing instant, because it means that someone thought of us- our name was in someones head. We do things we aren’t proud of, things that we regret. It creates demons inside of our heads, ones that continue to haunt us until we can start to accept the love we deserve to give ourselves. we all slip into those holes. but fighting our way back out? that is what makes us learn who we are. We learn what our character is really made of, and what kind of people will be there for us when we are at our lowest. Those friends that are willing to do anything to put a smile back on our face, those are the ones that make you feel infinite, invincible and most importantly loved. It was a perfect way to describe the roller coaster of emotions i feel this year as i look to the future. confusion. love. loss. anxiety. regret. i don’t know. i just love movies that actually mean something to me, instead of just another cheesy rom com.
“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it Love. ”—Dr. Seuss (via eunbeeleevable)
“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causing you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not…
im crabby as fuck right now. im sick of studying. im sick of spanish. im sick of my sister being home. im sick of being second best. im sick of trying to make everyone happy all the time. im sick of being sick of everything.
“We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life…It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.”—
If we did have a word for that, the word for unloneliness, it would include the opposite of tragedy and loss. Never having to lose people who have words like these, who have potential. Go read the whole thing. I remember feeling this way at 22, feeling like I was leaving the incredible world I’d built and not knowing if I’d ever get it back. I didn’t, but I’ve built many more worlds since then, and I hope I keep remembering that the best days aren’t gone. I hope I keep finding worlds full of people who will laugh heartily and sit around campfires and talk and sing late into the night. I hope that sense of belonging to a tribe never leaves my life. Even if the tribe is just two or three of us. Even if it’s only the one that I create myself.